Have you ever faced any your fears? I don’t mean the ones you’re conscious of like spiders (or bugs in general), heights or flying, I’m talking about the ones you don’t know you have; the ones in your subconscious mind. These unconscious fears are ones you’ve probably learned at a very young age either through your parents or from some experience you’ve had as a child. They can wreak havoc in our lives in ways that we aren’t even aware of and sabotage our results, hence why they’re subconscious. About 2 weeks ago, I came to realize and face one of my own subconscious fears; the fear of failure and disappointment. What fears might you have in your subconscious mind that you don’t know about/unaware of?
Here’s a statement you’ve likely heard as a kid or even said to one of your own children as a parent:
“Don’t climb too high or you’re going to fall down and hurt yourself.” Or something similar along those lines in another situation.
As a kid, we often listen to our parents….for the most part. Some will climb up on the shelf anyway and fall and get hurt. Even though this statement is said with love and caring for our well being, what is teaches our subconscious mind, though, is the fear of ‘don’t succeed too much or you’re going to fail, and failing is bad.’ As kids, our subconscious mind has no filter, so it believes everything we’re told without question, and as a result, our subconscious minds are 80% programmed with the ability to make adult-based decisions by the time we’re 8 years old. How are we taught that failing is bad, you ask? Well, we all went through 12 years of dictated and institutionalized schooling that teaches us through a grading system that failing is bad; and this starts around age 5 or 6. Then, after those 12 years (or more if post-secondary is pursued), it releases us into the wild open world with the subconscious mindset that failing is bad. I know – weird, right?
My experience was in attempting to bring a highly regarded leadership development course to my city after a 2-year hiatus, to help change the lives of others. I had found incredible value in this course and wanted to share that with more people in my life. As part of this journey, there was a risk/reward system put into place. It was similar to having a cheque made out to a political party I didn’t like for $1,000 and that if the goal wasn’t achieved, it would be mailed. My specific risk was a $500 spa gift card for my ex-girlfriend for having a certain number of people attend this course. The reward was, of course, changing lives.
While I was sitting at work one day, I was contemplating and reflecting on the underlying energy going on underneath all of this experience and one very important question: Why was I struggling with my goal? I was definitely committed to bringing this course to others, but something wasn’t working as I was finding great difficulty in getting people to sign up for the course. I couldn’t seem to achieve the desired results. Then it hit me like a wave: I have a fear of failure. The universe was presenting me with an opportunity to face this fear and that it’s actually not only necessary to fail in order to succeed, but it’s inevitable and that it’s okay to fail. “In order for us to win we must fail, for failing teaches us everything. Success isn’t built on success, it’s built on failure. Sometimes it’s built on catastrophe.” To believe in inevitable success is to first believe in its predecessor of inevitable failure. How’s that even possible? A divine dichotomy indeed.
What is a divine dichotomy? If we look at time, it’s an illusion created by man to give a sense of control. What we perceive to have happened either 30 years ago, 30,000 years ago or something that hasn’t even happened yet in the future (yet it already has); it’s all happening right now. A divine dichotomy.
Facing my fear of failure had some more things to reveal as well. Was this course truly in alignment with my vision? If my vision is to change the world and the lives in it, is this the right path that’s in alignment with that vision or is this course simply one mechanism in an infinite number of possibilities available? Big questions and even bigger realizations. The reward system that was put into place; my price had already been paid. Whoa! BIG TIME realization!! In order to put the time, energy and effort required into my attempt to achieve the goal, I had been putting my dream on hold. If it’s true that nothing changes unless the cost is too great (a price higher than we’re willing to pay), then placing my dream on hold was a HUGE price to pay and it was higher than the gift card risk. Was this a choice? Absolutely!! But it’s also my truth, and no one has the right to tell me what my truth is or what price I should be paying above and beyond what I’ve already paid for not achieving the goal. If you’ve ever had a dream that you know within the very being of your existence is your purpose in life, then you’ll know the price I’m talking about. In my spiritual journey, I’ve also come to learn that pressure and attachment to a desired outcome kills creativity and drains our energy by spreading it too thin, and as per the Universal Law of Attraction, actually pushes the desired result further away. Letting go of attachment and pressure is what will create results in some unimaginable ways.
Fear of success can also become an unconscious mindset if we grow up believing that those who have lots of money must also automatically be tainted in some way.
If failure is embraced with open and loving arms as a friend rather than a foe to be feared, then success is also embraced. The circle is complete and the universal/cosmic flow continues. For from the ashes of our greatest failures, comes the birth of our greatest successes – the Phoenix rising. It’s time for me to get back on track with my vision, my purpose, and my passion, for music is my life and music is life. It’s time to create some magic; love and light to all
[…] big lessons came through facing my fear of failure (more can be read about it in my post titled Facing Your Fears: Winning the Battle for Your Subconscious Mind). I’ve also learned to start calling people out on their behaviors and treatment of others, […]
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